It’s been 6 weeks since Zach has asked to see Jude and a month since I brought Jude to his work one day to sort of force him to see him.
this blog makes me so sad. every time I log on I see the same people I followed a couple years ago, when we were pregnant at the same time… but so many of you have families, places of your own. wedding plans or weddings that have happened, talk of more children, etc.
and I’ve just regressed. and the boy I was so in love with two years ago, having a child with, just isn’t around at all. no family, no wedding plans, no future.
boy I’m currently dating doesn’t want to come to my house ever because of some issues I’ve had with my mom (which were pretty bad but mostly resolved) …he doesn’t feel comfortable coming over since my parents are really, really Christian. (I don’t always feel comfortable here for that reason)
I can’t say I blame him but at the same time that makes me feel awful. Like really, really awful. Also it’s hard to always be out with my child, it would make things easier sometimes if he just came over here. Nobody is going to confront him on anything. =\
Just feeling generally crappy and slightly worthless, ha.
Latest happenings of my womb:
I had an appt yesterday to talk about birth control. I was interested in paragard (non hormonal IUD) and the Essure procedure (sterilization).
So currently I’m on the pill. In 3 weeks I go back for a Pap smear. If paragard was approved I’ll make an appt to have that inserted. If wasn’t approved (or if I just really want to), I’m going to schedule my Essure procedure and continue the pill until then.
I’m pretty certain I don’t want to have any more kids, and I also don’t want to mess with hormones. The more I think about it the more I’m leaning towards Essure, but I want to think about it for a while before I rush into a decision like that too quickly.
Just thought I’d share.
ugh bodies exist ugh mine exists and yours exists and they don’t exist in the same space
a thrilling trilogy